How the Death Positive Movement Helped Inspire SendOff
SendOff’s core vision is to offer families opportunities to transcend tradition and empower them to think differently about what it means to celebrate a life well lived. Ultimately, it’s about giving people more choice and more control.
Which morticians, palliative care doctors, or hospice nurses are you following on social channels? What podcasts are you listening to that regularly include topics on death and dying? What books, written by authors in the deathcare community, have you read? How many people do you know who’ve utilized the services of a death doula?
If you answered “none” to most or all of these questions, you’re in good company. The vast majority of people in the United States don’t think about death, or much less talk about it. Many will even actively avoid conversations about death — until we can’t. According to Psychology Today, modern American society sees death and dying “as profoundly ‘un-American’ experiences” because they force us to confront a youth-obsessed culture that shames aging and reconcile with our lack of control.
At SendOff, we want to nurture change in how and how often we talk about death and dying. We consider ourselves and our mission to be part of the Death Positive Movement, which aims to reframe societal thoughts, beliefs, and practices surrounding death. SendOff staff lovingly refer to each other as “death geeks” or “death nerds.” Our desire to talk about what we are all promised (sorry in advance if we corner you at a party) and to transform the way we honor death and celebrate life isn’t a business strategy. We deeply understand the importance of acknowledging our own mortality, and we know that facing the inevitable can inspire us all to live a more conscious life. If we don’t discuss death, we can’t create more positive experiences for people affected by it — that’s 100% of us, by the way.
In short, we believe talking about death, even planning for it, is a pathway to a better life.
What is the Death Positive Movement?
The Death Positive Movement was started by Caitlin Doughty, a mortician, writer, and advocate for funeral industry reform. In 2011 she founded The Order of the Good Death, a nonprofit that spawned the now international Death Positive Movement and advocates for the legalization of human composting and aquamation (cremation by water) in all 50 states.
According to The Order of the Good Death’s website, “People who are death positive believe that it is not morbid or taboo to speak openly about death. They see honest conversations about death and dying as the cornerstone of a healthy society.”
One of the many reasons death positive advocates encourage conversation about death is so that people can ensure their end-of-life wishes are met. Talking about death and recognizing what the future holds, especially for people living with a terminal illness, can prepare us to make better, more informed decisions that lead to a more peaceful passing. And finally, these conversations can help us process and move forward with grief after significant loss.
How SendOff seeks to transform the funeral business
Kelly Roberts, founder of SendOff and co-owner of a funeral home in Forest Lake, Minnesota, has been in the funeral service industry for more than 20 years. In working directly with families to coordinate burial, cremation, and funeral/memorial arrangements, he saw firsthand how lack of conversation and preparation created additional stress and hardship.
“When you’re grieving the loss of a parent, sibling, or child, decisions can be made hastily,” he said. “While some people might start loosely planning in their later years of life, more commonly, there is no plan. A lot of families never spoke about their loved one’s end-of-life wishes, so decisions are often a best guess.”
— Kelly Roberts, Founder of SendOff
For example, many believe that newer, more sustainable burial or cremation options are available where they live, but availability varies state by state. There’s a growing trend toward eco-friendly burial and cremation, and though Minnesota has made some progress in green alternatives, options for natural burials or human composting are still limited. Knowing what’s available can help you plan for final disposition, ensuring your beliefs and values are honored in your end-of-life wishes.
As Kelly guided families through all of the decisions that must be made in the pre-planning process, or even after a death when no plans were made, he commonly heard “I don’t want a funeral. I want a party.”
This is the very sentiment that inspired Kelly to overhaul the dusty rituals of the funeral industry and reject the notion that families must be boxed into a sad, rigid, yet costly service. In 2022, Kelly and his team of death positive advocates launched SendOff, a fully licensed funeral provider that offers a more unique and more uplifting way of curating highly personalized memorial events.
“A celebration of life should be an actual celebration,” said Kelly. “We’re not asking people to set aside sadness or sorrow, but we want guests attending a SendOff to remember what made that person special, and to feel gratitude, even joy while remembering the deceased.”
From intimate gatherings to loud and lively events, SendOff’s core vision is to offer families opportunities to transcend tradition and empower them to think differently about what it means to celebrate a life well lived. Ultimately, it’s about giving people more choice and more control.
A more holistic approach to death and dying
The SendOff team is working on ways to incorporate a more holistic approach to death and dying, including the eventual offering of end-of-life doula services and post-death grief support. Our hope is that when facing death, people can get most, if not all of what they’re looking for in one place.
Maybe you’re not ready to start planning your own arrangements tomorrow, but when you are, SendOff can help guide you through the planning process with compassion, care, and expertise. If nothing else, start talking about your wishes with your family and friends, because tomorrow is never promised.
