Obituaries- Reimagined
SendOff Blog 4.4.23
by Amy Crnecki, A Story Seller
We all have a limited amount of time on this earth. As we go about our daily activities, careers, and raising families, each day slowly ticks by.
Some people keep a very keen eye on the time they have left and some don’t ponder it at all. Many times for me, with each person in my world that passes away, I get a jolt of sorts. That jolt usually sends me into a thought tunnel of how precious life really is and how quickly it can change, and I often find myself reevaluating life, my priorities, and vowing to live life more fully. When a life does come to an end, there are an insane amount of things to think about. The person’s home, their belongings, their estate, legal documents, and funeral arrangements are just a few of the things that will have to be decided on, but there is a very important document that all families will become faced with after their loved one has passed away. That document is an obituary. Obituaries are an announcement to the world that a life has ended here on earth and it’s a way to share a person’s mark on the world.
As someone who makes a living by writing obituaries, eulogies, and memorials for others, it’s something I find myself thinking a lot more about than the common person. I often find myself pondering what my own obituary would say if I passed away today. Would it be simple? Lengthy? Meaningful? Funny? Would all the things I accomplished in my lifetime be included or would it be a single paragraph? And how do you really sum up an entire person’s life in a paragraph? It’s nearly impossible to include all of the intimate details that make up a precious life and all that they meant to the people who loved them. So that leads me to the question of what to include in an obituary? Generally speaking, obituaries are broken out into a few main parts:
Date of Birth/Birthplace/Parents
Early Life/Schooling
Career/Family/Hobbies
Preceded in Death
Memorial Information
Some clients I work with want a very simple and traditional obituary, while others prefer something more extensive. A final hurrah if you will. What you choose to write about your loved one is extremely personal. There are many questions that come into play before you start writing an obituary for your loved one, but a few that you can ponder would be: What type of obituary would be appropriate for your loved one? Was the person who passed away more traditional and wouldn’t want an extravagant obituary? Were they larger than life and would not want a traditional obituary? Gathering important dates of birth, marriages, children, graduation, career, and death should be also considered. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that the manner of death is also a big piece of this puzzle. Even if the person’s obituary I’m writing may have been a complete jokester and loved playing practical jokes, it might not make sense or be appropriate to put a funny spin on their obituary, especially if they passed away in a tragic way. But again, this really is a VERY personal preference if you ask me.
Traditional obituaries tend to look something like the below:
Amy Crnecki was born on _____ in Iowa to ______ and ______. She attended Linn-Mar high school and graduated from the University of Northern Iowa with a double degree in elementary and early childhood education. She married _______ on _______ and together, they had two children. Amy spent many years working in Finance, as well as in the public education system. She passed away on ______ and was preceded in death by ______. Memorial services pending.
Now, if I add the Amy spin on this and really bring some color into what it meant to be ME, then I’d also include something like this:
Amy had an insatiable zest for life and carried an infectious spunk with her everywhere she went. She had a soft spot for farm life, the simple things, and enjoyed meeting anyone and everyone that needed help along her journey. Her family was the most important part of her life and her greatest accomplishment was raising her two children. She loved the way it felt to have her kids curled up in her lap, Sunday mornings by the fireplace, creamer with a splash of coffee, and the intense laughter she felt when her husband pretended to play the bass (an ode to one of her favorite movies, Hall Pass).
Amy had zero coordination, often falling up the stairs, but somehow served as the co-captain of her high school’s cheerleading squad. The city of Las Vegas was her guilty pleasure; a place she visited often and gleefully spent time at the blackjack table and Double Top Dollar slot machines (a love that came about from her bonus Mom, Gayle). She was an avid pizza connoisseur and rarely met a pizza she didn’t like (except if it had onions). Amy truly spent every moment that she could making others feel validated, important, loved, and cared for. In lieu of a traditional funeral, there will be a celebration of life held at _____ casino in Amy’s honor, in which guests will be given $100 to try their luck and will be served pizza and coffee for dinner.
As you can tell, there is a very big difference between these two formats and one really isn’t better than the other; it truly comes down to personal preference and understanding the soul that is being celebrated.
There’s really no right or wrong answer here. That said, I’d challenge you to think about obituaries and the fact that they really don’t have to be however the funeral home puts them together. Sometimes, (not always) these obituaries can feel so cold and impersonal, which is exactly the reason I’m challenging the “normal” obituary as it’s been written in the past. Again, it’s very personal, but here’s a question for you: If you were to pass away today, what would your obituary say about you and your life? Did you spend it the way you wanted to? Did you leave things unsaid or did you leave your bucket list unchecked? How do you want your life adventure to be written? And what does your legacy look like for YOU?
We all get this one life. Don’t waste a minute and make it count. And don’t forget to tell your loved ones your wishes for what you’d like your Sendoff to look like. After all, it’s your final mark to leave on this world, and that is no small milestone.
A very special thank you to Kelly Roberts, the owner of a company called Sendoff, based in the Twin Cities, MN. This blog was beautifully inspired by Sendoff’s mission to reimagine traditional funerals and offer families an opportunity to celebrate their loved ones in a way that truly speaks to who they were as humans. I’m honored and elated to be starting a partnership with the Sendoff team to help carefully curate obituaries and other writing needs for the families they serve.
“I LOVE people. I love hearing their stories and what makes them, them. I am truly humbled beyond belief to get to do what I do. Trusting someone with your memories, your story, and your business is hard. It’s something I take very seriously and I pride myself on learning as much as I possibly can about each person I work with, because to my core - I genuinely care.” -Amy