Planning a DIY Memorial Event?
Four things to consider before you embark on such a big endeavor.
For a number of reasons, planning memorials or celebration-of-life events without support from funeral or event professionals is growing in popularity. People may opt for a DIY (“do-it-yourself”) end-of-life gathering because it gives them more control in choosing an event location and incorporating specific elements or activities. Others may take on the planning and coordination of these events in an effort to save money. And some may want to play a more active role in planning and execution as a demonstration of love or to help manage their grief. Regardless of the reasoning, do-it-yourselfers are turning away from the idea that funeral professionals must play a role in organizing end-of-life celebrations.
With the necessary resources (plenty of time and help from family and friends), a DIY memorial event might be the better choice, especially if you’re planning something small. Keep in mind that navigating all of the rules and regulations surrounding burial and cremation along with coordination of event logistics adds to the already overwhelming number of decisions and responsibilities you’ll face following the death of your loved one.
If you’re thinking about planning a celebration-of-life event without the support of a funeral director or event professional, here are four things to consider:
DIY doesn’t mean you can bypass legalities and paperwork. Many people feel constricted by what their local funeral home will allow and decide they have no other choice but to do it on their own. Keep in mind that you’ll need to check the legal requirements for arranging a DIY funeral in your county, and may need to pull permits and submit paperwork (additional to the death certificate) to move forward with your plans.
DIY doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll spend less money. Though there’s potential for cost savings, working alongside a budget-conscious planner will help you hone in on the details that matter. A reputable event professional should have relationships with event venues, food service companies, photographers, musicians and more — so when you have an idea, they can take the reins and work their connections to provide you with options that can be both budget-friendly and exactly what you imagined. Further, a DIY event will require you to manage multiple payments (for venue, food and beverage, decorations, supplies for activities, etc.). Working with a professional team like SendOff can streamline the invoicing and payment process so you’re only making one final payment when the event is over.
DIY events can take longer to plan, especially if you work full-time and/or have young children or elderly parents who require daily care. You’ll want at least one month from the date of your loved one’s passing to pull together a meaningful event. If that’s too small of a window, enlisting the support of professionals may be necessary.
DIY doesn’t give you time and space to grieve or to help others struggling with grief. While you may have more control in the planning process, you’ll have a long list of to-dos that will require your time and attention. Those to-dos might include:
Arranging flowers and decorations
Making programs, a guest book, prayer cards, mementos or keepsakes for guests
Building a webpage where people can view event information and share memories
Securing event venue
Renting tables and chairs
Coordinating food and beverages
Pulling together activities for adults and children
When you compound the wide array of emotions following the death of someone you love dearly with demands of event planning and coordination, you’re less likely to feel fully present at your loved one’s final farewell. You may even be completely distracted and unable to engage with guests as you manage event-day details. Trusting someone else to tackle each task as well as day-of logistics will give you more time for:
friends and family who may need your attention;
self-care, like attending therapy sessions or grief support groups; and
everything else life throws at you.
No matter what your preference may be, discuss your plans with your support network. If you’re hoping to arrange a celebration of life without the help of professionals, you’ll want to assemble and delegate tasks to a trusted team of family and friends. And if along the way, you want help in planning a meaningful, authentic, and memorable celebration of life, contact SendOff to discuss how we might support you.
Watch: Planning Cheryl Hause’rs SendOff Celebration
After Cheryl Hauser's diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease, she started planning her end-of-life arrangements. In this video, her daughters Sarah and Wendy share the value in pre-planning their mother's unique celebration of life, discuss their experience in working with the SendOff team, why having professional support was important to them, and more.
